I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
