i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
