Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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