I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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