At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Randomize
