He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
