nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
