so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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