I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
