you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
