No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
