Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
