Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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