I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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