so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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