It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
