There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
