Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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