and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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