he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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