Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
