why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
