did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
