If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize