oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize