I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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