Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
