i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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