If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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