Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Mom said you looked used
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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