Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink

(313): View more from Michigan

Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver

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(207): View more from Maine

she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

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(989): View more from Michigan

i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

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(586): View more from Michigan

If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

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(419): View more from Ohio

Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck

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(407): View more from Florida

you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo

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