HIV tests are more positive than that guy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
