why didn't you poke me back
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
