miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
