If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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