Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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