I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The uberlube is also flammable
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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