I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize