If i come over, it means nothing
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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