A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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