the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
