You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
