Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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