i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Drunk is not a location!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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