Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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