That's intense
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
