it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
