Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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