i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
