fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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