Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
