hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
