What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
