But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
