im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
