Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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