I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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