Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize