Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
