Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
