he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
