The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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