; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
