Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
