We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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