im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They should really pass out barf bags in church
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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