I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
