I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
