i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
