All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
