When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
