Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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