True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
