Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it because I queefed?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
