I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
