I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
