I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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